Okay, its been a while since my last post, and after even more !#^#$&^% (insert your favorite expletive here) has occurred in life. I'm beginning to see a pattern here... Life is full of #$%&, but its also full of many many wonderful things. Of course this is easy for me to say now, because it seems that things have FINALLY calmed down.
The final nail in the coffin of the last four months was my falling out with my mother, I don't want to get into the details, but it wasn't pleasant. After crashing with a friend, searching and waiting (the waiting is the worst part!) for two and a half weeks I now have a new place to live! YAY! Its on the mesa and close to everything, I can walk to all the shops and this makes me very happy :). Also, I believe I have a place to live in LA lined up, at least for the first 7 or 8 months. Which will make finding permanent digs sooo much easier, and the initial move much less stressful. My mom and I are talking again so it appears that we might be on the mend, and I may have found a new (albeit used) car for myself!
I had tea with Sage yesterday and I think more than anything else it helped to have a real life human to talk through all of this with. I do have awesome and amazing friends in my life who I know I can turn to, and I have somewhat, but I know myself and I tend to get very reclusive and introverted when things get heavy. It was great to talk to someone who knows me on a personal and professional level. Someone I can talk to about the stuff that has happened and my fears and excitement for the future. Someone who has been through more of this crazy mixed up life, and dealt with the even more crazy mixed up business. Someone who could offer some sage advise (haha I'm sorry, but I had to...)
After our meeting over tea I found myself with a new zest for life. I'm excited about moving to LA now. I can't wait to start a new life. I've been through a lot, but, now looking back at the other end of it, I wouldn't take any of it back. The experiences life gives us are a gift. I used to think that what I needed was to experience a little bit more of life, and boy did I get it, but Sage made a good point: at least it all happened now, while still in a familiar place. If I had gone through all of this while trying to move to LA, get a new job, settle into a new place, and go on auditions, quite frankly I think I would have imploded. At least now I know how to deal with just about anything that comes my way. I'm finding the balance between two halves of myself: the part that likes to plan and have everything controlled and set, and the part of myself that likes to sit back and go with the flow. Both are valuable and crucial, but the important thing is to have them balance each other.
On another note, because of everything that has happened, and our financial situation being what it is Erik and I have decided to cancel our trip to Brazil :( It sounded too good to be true, and I guess it was... for the time being. I still feel the need to travel nagging at me so I'm sure I'll figure something else out, even if its camping up north for a long weekend or going on a road-trip (mmm just thinking about it is getting my wheels turning), but nothing feeds my soul quite like international travel, *sigh. Brazil will just have to be put on the back burner for a while. I plan on traveling the world until the day I die, so I know it won't be good bye forever Brazil!
